I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
