So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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