She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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