help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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