We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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