so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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