if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
