Dual....:-)
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
