I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
