i need an iv and a liver transplant
worst night to have a conscience
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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