I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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