This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
