dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize