I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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