So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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