i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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