I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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