Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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