my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
