My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
