Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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