I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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