hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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