please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
