I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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