I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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