Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
