it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
