First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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