dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
