Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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