Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
