I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
