you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
