haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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