ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
