u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
