Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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