So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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