Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
