I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
