That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
