i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
