I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
