I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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