do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I want is dick and wine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
