Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
