Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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