Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
