So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
