I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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