whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
