I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
