if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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