just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
