Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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