i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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