The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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