i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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