And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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