i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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