I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
