first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
