watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
