Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
