There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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