Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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