260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
