Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have grass duct taped all over my body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
