You work out of a Hotel?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
