You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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