ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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