I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
