Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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