I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
