I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
