you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
