Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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