he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
