Someone shit on the floor
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
