oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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