I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
