i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's official drugs can't kill me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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