Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
