I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
