i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
