we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
