I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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