it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
