Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
