I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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