Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
