Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
