Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
