she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
