Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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