Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
