Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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