The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
