I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
