What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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