So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
