the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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