I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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