Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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