I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
