I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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