I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
