think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's never too late to be topless.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
