shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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