better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
