(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
