OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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