I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
