It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
