this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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