So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
