it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
