Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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