if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
