There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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